You Don’t Understand

These 3 words can be some of the deepest form of pain to feel and we aren’t even aware of the magnitude the feeling behind them has on our heart.

As humans, we all collectively are seeking to be seen, loved, and to belong. Our actions, what we say, how we react, what decisions we make, ect are all filtering through this very real human need. One of the biggest access points to feeling deeply seen, loved and like you belong by the people around you, is for you to feel understood deeply. Understood for who you are, what you are doing, what you want, how you are feeling, what you need, and so much more.

So, when we recognize that someone doesn’t understand how we feel, what we are doing, what we need, what we mean, ect, we are exposed to the fear of losing out on one of our basic human needs.

I speak with a lot of people, and there is a huge desire by each of us to feel understood. And on the other side of this need, which is usually a need that isn’t aware to us, is a fear of being misunderstood. This fear drives us to conform, to shove our emotions, to perform in certain ways, and not honor our needs or our heart.

It causes us to live for someone else, not for ourselves.

I know this feeling so well.

Looking back on my life, it amazes me now to see all the ways I was seeking to be understood. Our society likes to call this seeking approval but to be honest it is so much more than that surface level meaning. Most of us won’t be able to quickly identify in our conscious mind that we want approval, but we can deeply feel the need in our heart to be understood.

I will admit to you right now, I want to feel deeply understood. And there is nothing wrong with that need or desire. I had to come to a place of openly admitting that it is a need I desire deeply. Once I exposed this need to myself, I could start to effectively see all the ways I was acting to achieve it. All the ways, that I was denying myself of my authenticity.

Here is the biggest thing to know, when we deny ourselves of our authentic self by seeking to feel understood, we will never actually be fully understood. Yep, we will be living in a constant cycle of never feeling truly seen, loved, or like we belong.

I am here to tell you, there is nothing wrong with this need.

The only thing that starts to become a problem is when we deny the need and therefore act out of the fear of not receiving it.

It is okay to be scared to open up the crack, and expose all the things that come out of this realization. I promise you, on the other side is a deeper feeling of being understood that you will have ever felt.

But first, we have to get to a place of acceptance - and today I invite you to do that.

We are all in this together. Let’s show the world our authentic self. You are safe.

xxx, Danielle